In the week since my last post I have spent a lot of time working in the garden and thinking about the issues outlined previously. In my spare time I have continued researching, still finding transracial adoptees' stories of self-destruction, anger and grief at having been taken away from their culture. But a few things have begun to resonate differently.
First, the negative stories have something in common--the adoptive families lacked a real understanding of race and racism. They may have been loving, and even have attempted to provide cultural support to the adoptee; but they did not prepare their child for the inevitable racism that they would face. Whether they thought that the protective family unit would be enough support or they did not recognize the problems facing their child, these families were not active in standing up for their child and in providing a mentor who was familiar with racism, who could prepare and teach them how to deal with it on a daily basis. They left their child to deal alone with the complex and painful realities of racism. I have not had a first hand experience with racism. I have only ever been treated differently due to my gender; but since 50% of the population is female, I have not experienced this discrimination alone. My only experience of true isolation was when I lived with a family in France who spoke limited English and were verbally abusive toward me. I was miserable and depressed for about 6 weeks (the entire time I was there), and cannot imagine a lifetime of that kind of treatment. The only relief I had was when I was with some friends who lived in another house. It taught me the importance of a support system; more importantly, it illustrated how a person who is sheltered from prejudice (and is therefore unprepared for its devastating effects) can quickly fall apart, despite having come from a loving and supportive home. If someone had told me in advance that this could happen and how to handle it, I know I would have survived the situation better.
Second, with the advent of the internet and the documented experiences of at least two generations of transracial adoptees, I feel that I have the opportunity to better prepare myself and my family for this journey. Not to mention the adoption professionals who are now more aware of these issues and better able to support adoptive families.
I have also come across some very enlightening articles written by John Raible (Asst. Professor, Diversity & Curriculum Studies, University of Nebraska-Lincoln). Raible, an African-American educator, and the brother of a non-adopted white sister and brother, has completed research with non-adopted white siblings of transracially adopted children. In his article, The Lifelong Impact of Transracial Adoption: Learning From Adoptees and Their Non-Adopted Siblings (October 14, 2006), Raible explores the experiences of these siblings. His work found common themes, such as the discomfort felt by all at 'sharing the spotlight' with their adopted sibling in public, and having to sometimes endure hostile reactions; as well as the rude questions they were subject to, such as 'How much did she cost?' or 'Why are you different colors?' Raible suggests that "the combined voices of this group of non-adopted white siblings [show that]...we have not yet figured out how to effectively integrate families, much less our society. Moreover, we have failed to adequately support the...families who have attempted to embody our utopian values by taking on the complexities of race and adoption in their own lived experience...Our once idealistic leaders who, for a brief beautiful historic moment, embraced Martin Luther King’s vision of the integrated, beloved community have now retreated from those once lofty ideals. Collectively, we are more conservative, less trusting, and more jaded and divided than we were when the transracial experiment first began."
Raible's research suggests to me not only that there is much to be done on this front, but that it is doable, if people are dedicated, knowledgeable, and willing to seek support. The best line in his article was, "All of the participants in my study remarked at some point on how lucky they feel to be part of their transracial adoptive families." This is heartening after weeks of my own research and uncertainty. I will continue to educate myself and write out my thoughts (thank-you Shannon for this excellent idea!) because I want to be sure that I can give my adopted child more than just love, comfort and security. I want to prepare her and the rest of my family for this unpredictable, exciting, difficult and amazing journey we will be taking together.
I will give the last line(s) to John Raible:
"Transracialized siblings such as these inspire me to persevere, to cling to the hope that adoptive families can learn to get it right. Moreover, as a society, they symbolize how we all can figure out a way forward through the dismal minefields of racial mistrust. We can and we must, if we are to finally complete the unfinished project of racial integration. If transracialized siblings can do it, then others can, too. Where one has made a way, others can surely follow. Too many of us remain idly on the sidelines of racial discourse and the culture wars, while these courageous individuals have jumped headlong into the fray. In essence, they are living out Dr. King’s dream, with little social support or validation. When more of us follow their lead, we will make headway towards finally completing the unfinished project of integrating not only our own lives; society itself will be strengthened through genuinely integrated families and communities. I am suggesting that we learn from non-adopted white siblings a new approach to integration, a new way to think about race relations. It is imperative that we take up the challenge as individuals, in our own lives, as these siblings have done. The future for a harmonious, beloved community depends on what we each do today and how we choose to live our lives tomorrow."
http://www.nysccc.org/T-Rarts/Articles/Raible/Lifelong%20Impact.html
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The Controversy
Wow! Who would've thought building a family could be so politically explosive and controversial. When we began our research several months ago, we encountered the pros and cons of adopting transracially. We discussed our options and felt confident that we could offer a baby the kind of home that would support our child in maintaining his culture, in addition to giving him a loving, happy environment in which to grow.
Before our 4-day government required adoption training, we had begun to immerse ourselves in Ethiopian culture, and we chatted openly with friends and family who were mostly supportive.
Then the training. Intrinsic to the course was the emotionally draining discussion around child abuse and the damage that children suffer (even without actual abuse) when they are shunted from place to place during the first years of their lives. These children suffer the sometimes irreversible inability to form normal attachments throughout the rest of their lives. Then, when I thought I'd been exposed to the most difficult part of the course, the topic of 'transracial adoption' was broached. At first this was a discussion regarding the necessity of embracing the race of the child, of exposing them to role models of their own race/ethnicity and of dedicating your family to becoming multi-cultural, rather than colour-blind. I thought, 'I can do that. I want to do that.' Basically, it was all the reading we'd done already, and I still felt very prepared.
Things changed suddenly for me when I saw the video of several non-white adults who had been adopted by white families. I'm not sure what was worse, the black man who said he'd been raised by a wonderful, loving white family and had never felt as though he belonged to either the black or white community, or the black woman who stated to white families adopting black children, something along the lines of, 'If you aren't already involved in the black community, you're going to destroy your child's life.' There were positive voices too, but the first 2 were the ones that stuck with me. All the reading in the world couldn't have prepared me for these real people, looking right at me, saying, 'What do you think you're doing?'
Hmmmm. Not exactly what one wants to hear when on the verge of adopting a black baby.
Dilemma!!!
So we talked....and researched more of course (this is Mike we're talking about!) and spent the next several days in miserable limbo, finding mixed information on the internet. In fact the black community seems to be split on the issue.
According to a NY Times article published,August 17, 2006 ,
Too tired to keep thinking so I'll close here. Until the next post....
Paula
Before our 4-day government required adoption training, we had begun to immerse ourselves in Ethiopian culture, and we chatted openly with friends and family who were mostly supportive.
Then the training. Intrinsic to the course was the emotionally draining discussion around child abuse and the damage that children suffer (even without actual abuse) when they are shunted from place to place during the first years of their lives. These children suffer the sometimes irreversible inability to form normal attachments throughout the rest of their lives. Then, when I thought I'd been exposed to the most difficult part of the course, the topic of 'transracial adoption' was broached. At first this was a discussion regarding the necessity of embracing the race of the child, of exposing them to role models of their own race/ethnicity and of dedicating your family to becoming multi-cultural, rather than colour-blind. I thought, 'I can do that. I want to do that.' Basically, it was all the reading we'd done already, and I still felt very prepared.
Things changed suddenly for me when I saw the video of several non-white adults who had been adopted by white families. I'm not sure what was worse, the black man who said he'd been raised by a wonderful, loving white family and had never felt as though he belonged to either the black or white community, or the black woman who stated to white families adopting black children, something along the lines of, 'If you aren't already involved in the black community, you're going to destroy your child's life.' There were positive voices too, but the first 2 were the ones that stuck with me. All the reading in the world couldn't have prepared me for these real people, looking right at me, saying, 'What do you think you're doing?'
Hmmmm. Not exactly what one wants to hear when on the verge of adopting a black baby.
Dilemma!!!
So we talked....and researched more of course (this is Mike we're talking about!) and spent the next several days in miserable limbo, finding mixed information on the internet. In fact the black community seems to be split on the issue.
According to a NY Times article published,
"The loaded jumble of viewpoints and anxieties related to transracial adoptions of black children are complex and often contradictory. Rhetoric around the issue has softened considerably since the National Association of Black Social Workers, in 1972, likened whites adopting black children to “cultural genocide.” The group removed the genocide reference from its policy statement in 1994, but it still recommends same-race placements" (Overcoming Adoption's Racial Barriers by Clemetson and Nixon).
Needless to say, there are many in the black community (I won't quote everything) who feel that a white family cannot instill the values and cultural traditions of black people in their children.
On the other side of the issue are those who feel that a loving, dedicated family will provide the best home for any child, black or white. Black Harvard Law professor Randall Kennedy stated that he applauded people who adopt across racial lines and even dismissed transracial adoptees who complain about their upbringing: "Almost everyone I know is alienated about their upbringing. What's news about that?" (From Interracial Adoption: One Couple's Story by Carol Lloyd and Hank Pellissier).
Too tired to keep thinking so I'll close here. Until the next post....
Paula
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